three steps forward, ten steps back
by lowi
Summary: "Because that was what it all was. Not proper love but passion and lust, desiring and craving the other's hands and lips on their bodies." Lily's and Scorpius' relationship; it can't be good when both are dramaqueens, can it? Written for Zhie.


_A/N: This story is written for Zhie (__Renzhie__) for the __Write Me a Story!__ tread at __The NextGen Fanatics__forum. I hope you'll like this Zhie!_

And many thanks to mew (_mew-tsubaki__) for betareading!_

* * *

**three steps forward, ten steps back**

They always ended up circling each other. They would never be happy with how it was; neither of them could stop wanting more. And they would never see enough in the other.

* * *

"I never said that!" Scorpius pulled a hand through his hair.

"You didn't? Come on, Scorpius, you said it." Lily sighed and began walking away from her boyfriend, or maybe ex-boyfriend. It was really hard to remember what they were at the moment, because their relationship changed from almost day-to-day.

"Yeah, just go! I don't care, Lil!" Scorpius yelled after her. He had told her so many times he didn't care, and she had replied so many times that she already knew that.

* * *

It was an endless process, because whenever they had fought, they would come back to each other—not having to ask for forgiveness since a tiny part in them longed for the other. They would ravish the other when they crossed paths again and whisper promises of _I'll never leave again, this is how it should be, I don't know why I left, _and sure, they would have some time in happiness, when they were together, said they loved each other, held hands and shared hot kisses. Because that was what it all was. Not proper love but passion and lust, desiring and craving the other's hands and lips on their bodies.

And both of them would probably agree that they truly appreciated these moments or otherwise they wouldn't have tried so many times to actually make things work out between them. But it simply wasn't something else that could keep them together; there were too many tiny, everyday things that broke it.

One time it was Scorpius who fidgeted too much with his sleeve that made Lily yell at him and the spell was broken. They didn't speak for two weeks, until they happened to bump into each other in a corridor and once again it began. Shameless flirting, dazzling smile, cheeky winks, dirty words and they could be seen holding hands after just three days.

Another time Scorpius suddenly couldn't stand the scent of Lily's perfume any longer. It didn't matter that Lily told him she had used the same for years, he just burst out of the room—and their make-out session—stating it was the most disgusting thing he had ever smelled.

So often it was these unexplainable things that had them jumping at each other's throats. And, so often, it was the breaks that had them jumping _each other_, as in this case. A glance from across the dinner table in the Great Hall, a note left in the other's bag, and everything was back to normal.

Or, as normal as it could be with these two.

* * *

"With _her_, Scorpius?" Lily's eyes were almost black, and her hair looked as if it were on fire.

"No, with someone else," Scorpius answered sarcastically and began walking away.

"I hate you, Malfoy, I swear I do!" Of course they were having their argument outside the Great Hall, where else did you expect? They wanted to have an audience; they wanted to be noticed.

* * *

Cheating was probably one of the most typical reasons to their fall-outs. And, the funny thing was, it had become like a game for them. They wanted to hurt the other, and hence they always chose someone they thought the other would be stunned to see glued to their lips. But they never really succeeded with this.

The first time was when Scorpius snogged Dominique. He was certain Lily would be furious to see him sliding his hands up her cousin's long legs, playing with her silver blonde curls instead of Lily's red. But Lily just laughed and told Dominique it was good riddance for her, but that she hoped they would be happy together.

(Of course it didn't last more than a week, and then Scorpius was eying Lily again, and she was answering him with a challenging grin.)

Then Scorpius discovered that Lily was quite interested in shoving her tongue down his mate Lorcan's throat. He gave the two of them a teeth-flashing grin and told them to _please, get a room._He walked out of the common room without looking back, and for two seconds Lily was surprised…then Lorcan's lips on her collarbone made her forget it all.

(But this didn't last long either, did you really think it would? All it took was Lily biting her lip and looking up at him from beneath her eyelashes.)

But sometimes they would have enormous fights like this, where they would yell at the other and claim they would never ever want to touch the other again, just for good measure.

Just for their audience, if you want.

But really, the drama was essential in their relationship. Without it, they were nothing, because without it there wouldn't be a _they_.

* * *

"Hey, Lily," Scorpius said as he caught up with her and let his hand slide into hers.

She gave him a soft smile. "Hey, Scorp."

He leaned over to get a kiss before he had to leave her for his Arithmancy class. She answered it hungrily, and when he walked away, her eyes lingered on his tall figure.

He could still feel her lips on his when he walked away, and he wanted to keep it that way so he refused to even open his mouth in fear it would go away.

* * *

Sometimes everything actually worked out between them. It often wasn't for long—a week, maybe two, where peace and love instead of arguments and hateful looks were the only things they shared.

It was like breathing space, the only time when they actually could relax. Because when they weren't together, they had to be on their guard all the time—was that gaze meaning something else? Did it mean something that our knees were brushing together or was it just accidental?

No, it truly was the most serene moments, those blissful, shiny days of love. They could have chosen to be on their guard now as well, because it was just a matter of time until it would all crash and break, but they simply didn't. In a way it was a lot easier to just let that occur when they weren't prepared.

And then they could hope that it _wouldn't _happen this time, that there was something different now. They could keep pretending that they were older, wiser, and more experienced and that it wouldn't end this time.

Which it of course did, but the thing was, it _could_be good between them.

* * *

"We've got to stop this, Lily."

"I know."

"Okay…see you."

"Yeah, perhaps."


End file.
